HAPPY BIRTHDAY CAMILLE!

(I have a hunch you're the only one who reads this at present)

Some of my favorite Camille moments:

* When we were oh-so-close to buying tickets to London to see the Cure

* When you smoked your first cigarette under my (not-so-great) influence at the Starbucks by Costoco (I remember how insanely hilarious you looked holding that cigarette and inhaling!)

* Watching movies in the hallway of our dorm until like 4am

* Hanging out with Rich at that house where he lived with that weird guy and listening to Built to Spill's cover of Neil Young's "Cortez"

* Going camping outside Hood River with Justin the night it rained like crazy--I think we got high and ate almost all the food!

* Road trips between Boise and Hood River!

* You, after Justin ripped the "Meat is Murder" sticker you gave me off my car and after remaining silent for quite some time around him, suddenly making a funny joke about me getting a new sticker that says "My Boyfriend's a Dick"

I hope you have a stupendous day! I miss you!!

in a funk

so the trip was good. i was just soooo anxious to be home! i get so excited to leave, be somewhere different, see people, interact, and then when i'm gone i miss the quiet comforts of home, and my husband. so much, in fact, that i have declined a trip with my mom this summer. it's something i was so looking forward to, having the time with her, seeing family i rarely get to see. but it would take time away from my husband, whom i see so rarely the rest of the year. so i think i'll keep my feet on the ground for a while. until i get the bug again, at least! i'm putting my sights on a big trip this time...i'd like to get back to austria, see my family over there and my dear friends. but somewhere warm and tropical also sounds inviting. we shall see what shapes up.
i have been so grumpy this weekend. i'm not sure why. it's probably just the end of the ski season when j and i are both burned out from the rigorous schedule and our ships' paths crossing in the night. that, and this persistant sickness has been going in and out and back in among our house, keeping everyone sick--except me (knock on wood). when mom gets sick the fort goes to shit, so we cannot have that. i must have some super immune system! however, the boys in the family are rather pathetic when they aren't feeling tip-top. it must be some gene in the male makeup that makes them act like that. it's pathetic! and also a little cute. the first time.
the weather has been getting so nice here, it's been good to be spending more time outside. the snow is melting, i can take the kids out in the bike buggy now. i am only lamenting the damn wind that is unavoidable in these parts during spring. certainly makes it tough to get outside, but we will persist. it's been too long of a winter not to.

yeah, i know

okay, so it's been a while.
i didn't have what's known as spare time on my hands. not that i have a ton of it now, but some. enough to make me want to write again.
i think there is something in my blood, in my bones, that makes me want to write. i've been trying to actually pen something onto paper, but for some reason this feels better, easier. i keep journals for both my kids, no problem, but when it comes to sitting down to write for myself, for some reason i choose cyberspace over oldschool. go figure.
anyway, hi.
i'm about to embark on a trip of epic proportions. at least, that's how it feels to me. this will be my first venture to go alone with the kiddos (re: sans husband) to visit, no, not family, friends. say it with me now (deep breath): friends. ahh. it feels relaxing just to say that. of course, i'm not naive, and it will probably be just the opposite. the nice thing about seeing family is they help with the rugrats. though, i do have buddy e.o.b. in tow. this is going to be fun. time with a friend i don't have enough with and time with a friend and her lovely family, two of whom i have not yet met.
lara shea is an inspiration to me. she is so amazing in her faith that i almost want to become catholic. she has two kids (both adopted, latest one a preemie and not just a walk in the woods) and she still finds time to do everything: tea parties, wine parties, dinner parties, book clubs, feast days, you name it, lara does it. she puts me to shame. though, i must admit, i don't feel any competition whatsoever. i'm perfectly happy in my little world of staying home mostly and having 4-year-old conversation all day long. well, noah is starting to babble, i guess that counts. yeah, i'm definitely content. but i'm really excited to get the heck outta dodge and see some new scenery.
update on the kiddos: soren goes to preschool two days a week, which is a godsend for us both. she often needs more stimulation than i can provide, and this fulfills that need for her. plus she gets interaction with other kids, which is lacking in our little town. and i get alone time with noah and (double bonus!) time to myself, WHEN he decides to nap, which was not today. he's doing well, also, at almost 9 months! almost all the time that i look at him i'm thinking how sad it is that he's already so old. i was watching home videos of him right after he was born and i seriously cried. i'm pathetic. but i don't want it to flash before me--it's going much too fast. he's about to walk any day now, which makes it that much worse. but seriously, he's amazing. i'm in love all over again.
we're all doing well here.
what about you??

blah

i hope you realize this is taking time out of my precious day. i really don't have any to spare, anyhow, but i suppose something in another area will have to suffer. i feel like i never get caught up, or if i do it's only long enough to sit down and read the mail. then i'm off again. i haven't taken a leisurely bath in i don't know how long. i can't remember the last time i showered without having to wash my daughter, too. i haven't finished the last scrapbook present i owe someone for christmas of last year, let alone started on noah's or get caught up on soren's. i haven't been able to exercise regularly because, well, having two kids is a fairly irregular job. either they're not sleeping at the same time or we take up the cool morning doing other necessities and find the afternoon too hot; there are a million reasons to not exercise, right? in short, i'm feeling rather frazzled today. it isn't like this always. i mean, it is, but it doesn't always frustrate me to this extent. usually i just breathe, think to myself it won't always be like this, and deal with it. but today i'd like to stop everything that i MUST do and just do what i WANT. today, i would trade this for anything, though any other day i'd say i wouldn't trade it for the world. i still love my kids as much, and my husband, too, but sheesh, a woman needs a break! or maybe just a little recognition and appreciation in the form of massages and a few tickets good for getting out of making dinner.
anyway, that's what's going on with me. what's going on with you?

so i have a newborn now. it's a different world. not a bad one, just different. but i love the newborn stage--they sleep, they eat, they poop, and that's about it. they cry, too, but you learn how to respond to those cues. noah is an incredibly easy, laid-back baby. the last two nights he only woke up once and the two nights before he slept right through. but he sleeps with us, and i think that makes a huge difference. he has gained two pounds in his two weeks of life, which is unusual. they usually lose weight in the beginning but i guess there's something amazing in my milk.
soren has been really good with all this. she loves her brother and kisses him all the time. when j and i made a quick trip up to denver thursday and left soren with my mom (which normally would have excited her to death), she threw herself on the ground and screamed, DON'T TAKE MY BROTHER! she wasn't too concerned about us. it was cute, and, okay, a little sad. but she really is doing so good. we make a point to do little special things with her so she doesn't feel like she's been completely pushed out of her position.
my mom is staying with us. she's been here since last week and it's been good, especially since she'll be gone for good soon. 'tis sad. but we'll get used to it. that, and we'll move sometime soon, too, and it won't be such a big deal.
needless to say, i'm not going to make it to mexico for that free trip i earned. he came too late for that, and with the whole passport mess. well, i don't look my best in a bathing suit quite yet, anyway. but i have deemed the time i would have been gone as mexico week, and i will be consuming mass quantities of margaritas. that is, as much as i can consume safely while breastfeeding. and i'll get out the kiddy pool and dip my feet in water, maybe find some sand. it won't be the same, but i can pretend. if you want to join me, that starts thursday.
i'll post some recent photos soon.

a change of topic

so, my parents are packing up their house this weekend.
it really hasn't seemed too real until now, despite the fact my dad has been up in washington since the end of april. i talk to him every day and he sends cards, so that hasn't been too bad of an adjustment. plus, my mom has still been here. he flew back wednesday and we picked him up at the aeropuerto and then had some dinner. since then they've been busy packing up.
we went to the house yesterday to help them take a load to the dump and walking around their empty house was very strange. it really hit soren, i think. she now understands what is going on. she burst into tears and ran back to the bedroom she sleeps (slept) in, and then she cried and cried about not wanting papa and gammi to leave. it was really sad to see it affect my kid. i think it will be hardest on her, just because she won't understand. but hopefully there will be frequent visits back and forth; i cannot imagine my parents could stay away from their grandkids for too long!
it's funny, though. my family has always been very tightly knit, and still when i graduated i wanted to get as far from home as possible. not necessarily because i wanted to be far from them, i just wanted to get out and do my own thing. but now that i'm older i just want to be close to them and have them around! i guess those things change when you start a family of your own.
people keep asking if we're going to move up where they're going. i have no desire or intentions to follow my parents around, but i'm not opposed, either, to the possibility of loving the area where they are going. it sounds beautiful and has many of the things we like to do, things we love about where we live now. but the main thing is finding a good job for justin, a good school for the kids, and a nearby university where i can pursue my studies again when the kids are older. so we shall see where we end up in the distant future.
i'm kind of melloncholly about all this, and on sunday i'll have to say goodbye yet again. not looking forward to that, but at least i do have something rather big coming up that i CAN look forward to!

nearing the end

so i'm in my 35th week. it's hard to believe i find myself here already, again. at first it went by so slowly, almost too slowly, and now it's full speed ahead. i really am at that uncomfortable and practically miserable stage, but i know it will be over soon. and that's mostly okay, like 90% okay, but there is a bitter sweetness in knowing this is our last. maybe in a year i'll be all googly-eyed and wishing for just one more, and then my husband will roll his eyes and remind me that i am insane. i am really excited about meeting noah, though, seeing what he looks like and holding him in my arms. i love the infant stage (and seem to be the only one who holds it in such high esteem). they are so easy to care for, they just sleep, eat, and poop. you can lay them down and they don't go anywhere. plus, there's all the cute firsts: first smile, first coo, first words, first roll, crawl, steps, etc. those moments can never be recaptured and i am looking forward to each and every one.
soren continues to be a huge supporter and not at all jealous. from going through baby clothes to separate out the ones that would be "good for my baby brother" and those that are pink and purple, to the baby shower where she helped open all his gifts and didn't once covet anything for herself, to helping put together his room, she is just overwhelmed with excitement and joy. she has taken it upon herself to talk to him every day, and if she doesn't say good morning, by midday she realizes her error and quickly corrects it. this is all without prompting. she tells him what she does throughout her day, sings to him, kisses and hugs my belly--it's very cute. i really need to capture some of it on video before it's gone.
j continues to be very supportive. he gave me the world's best foot rub tonight, in fact, and becomes more and more attentive as we near the end. i'm sure he can see how difficult simple things are becoming for me--it feels like it takes me all day just to vacuum. i really do have to take frequent rests. today we celebrated mother's day with a nice brunch with all the mothers in our immediate family and just had a lazy day. it was nice. i literally have nothing on my schedule henceforth and that is exciting, too! i'm not very used to that, but sticking close to home and as much R&R as possible sounds like my kind of fun these days!
if noah comes by june 7 i will be taking my free trip to mexico with a friend, noah in tow, of course. j would love to come but would rather do a trip like that as a romantic get-away without kids, so he opted to get a dirtbike instead. my friend sunni is more than happy to accompany me, and noah will just be an extension of myself, so soren and daddy will stay and have a special daughter-daddy weekend. i do hope he comes by the 7th, if for no other reason than just to be done with the uncomfortable weight and all. i'm just...ready.